"What's the world for you if you can't make it up the way you want."

-Jazz, Toni Morrison


Antisocial Personality Disorder and Hospital Acquired

Antisocial Personality Disorder and Hospital Acquired

Antisocial Personality Disorder

What do you mean
it isn’t normal for a mother
to play with knives around you?
I thought everyone danced
with the thought of telling dad
how many boyfriends mom uses.
She operated everyone and everything
near a child’s heart to play a game
where she could always quit
if you rattled her magma. 
The last time we met
between the gas station
and liquor store, she wilted
behind a mountain of pills.
Whoever raised me
was long gone. She dissolved
just the way she’d always feared.

 

 

Hospital Acquired

A doctor gave me steroids
in hopes of resolving my body’s
self-destructive tendencies.
My mouth grew
spongy clouds.
Shingles erupted
across my leg, and still
it burns me today.
They told me at 28
that my death would be
a painful three months.
Well, I’m forty and still
HIV positive.
I don’t blame the patient
dying of AIDS dementia
in a moist hospital bed.
I’m not that mad she tried
shoving her central line
into my jugular. We had to wash
off so much blood that day.
I’m angry with the silence
I forced myself to keep
so that parents wouldn’t know
how much they could hate me
for giving my heart
to someone who needed it more.


Ben Casola is a recent graduate of SUNY Upstate who matched into Psychiatry. He has published two anthologies and won the Bruce Dearing Award in 2017. This marked his third submission accepted by the Healing Muse. He has also become a Reiki practitioner in hopes of using an integrative approach in psychiatry. He is thankful to God and his family for all he has achieved. Twitter: @BenjaminCasola, Facebook: Ben Casola, Instagram: @benjamincasola, Soundcloud: Ben Casola

Cover photo by Karim Ghantous on Unsplash

Born Melancholy and My Mother Buys Me Sea Salt

Born Melancholy and My Mother Buys Me Sea Salt

F Train Woman and Barely Unscathed

F Train Woman and Barely Unscathed

0