"What's the world for you if you can't make it up the way you want."

-Jazz, Toni Morrison


Five Roses

Five Roses

With nothing in my mouth
But a handful of broken souvenirs,
I understand now what the heart is about.

That last kiss was very rough
Because for the first time
It was more than enough

Ladies and Gentlemen, in hindsight
Do not trust kisses that feel just right...

I was patient and tender when you said goodbye
But my beating heart still pumped red neon across the sky.

The end of us comes with rain on vinyl seats
And a bowl of sunshine and red, red eyes
We spent our final hours watching each other weep
You’re mad and I ask why and you say you hate to see me cry

I nod my head only now understanding that I pushed too far.
Let’s hide behind the light to keep us from seeing
The knot of my heartstrings for the time being

I did not touch the pegs on my violin with you
I wonder how long the key would stay in tune
I willed myself to stay strong and to myself true
While being hopeless and divided, drying rose petals in my room

Because you see,

There are tens of thousands of ways
Of getting what I want though it seems to me
The only way of achieving anything, really
Is pandering and begging and being as desperate as can be.

I hear my voice as it climbs, I do
I feel my face turn red with excitement
And I see it in the corner of your eyes
That you wanted night better spent.

I hate Thursdays I hate them
I always feel hung-over
Even though I’m completely sober

As I lick the wounds from my bad dreams I see that
Love is a beautiful thing that beautiful people use
Up until you figure out which of you is the victim
And which one of you is the noose

Radio silence is a beast so heavy it cannot walk.
Radio silence is a beast so heavy it can simply spread.

But hold on, because in the silence I realize that I had already let you go
And when I realize that you were always gone a minute too soon
And when I realize that I could put on a better show
I stop playing my violin out of tune

I was unwilling and childish when you said goodbye
But my beating heart still pumps red neon across the sky.

I learn in 3, well, 6 months
That you can’t hide pain with synth
Going around 45 and 45, it’s a dizzy labyrinth
I realize that all of my faded city stars
Can never – will never compete with fast cars

Me, a sad girl who with fever
Drinks bleach for clean teeth
Who swallows pills of pearls
For a belly to breathe
And I learn in October as I learn in May
That kisses do not mean care
They are beautiful sins–
Common tragedies people mistake as rare.

They say I can find a better sun
I say I found my sun years ago

I hate to drink
I hate to smoke
And city kids ask me
“Well, how do you cope?”

Yes, at parties my view is always from above
But I don’t want to get drunk – high
Maybe instead I want to shoot up unrequited love
Because now I’d rather tear up my heart than my thigh

Faith in teenage passion
Is to be curb stomped
And then not to remember what happened

So maybe these dreadful passions are my only great productions–
My self-declared ego, my self destruction.

So I learn in 3 well, 6 months
And I learn in greed
That I can never – will never say goodbye
Even if it’s what I need.


Inuya Schultz is an aspiring poet, author and playwright from Montreal, Quebec. Her short story, “Uno scherzo del destino” won second place in the 2017 Senior Division in the QAIS Creative Writing Competition. She finds writing an inner and intimate affair, a love and passion she plans on dedicating her life to. Instagram: @inuyaschultz

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